I live in a city where you can’t buy booze on Sunday, but people try to sell drugs to cops
Even small Southern towns have housing projects. We have three here — ranging from a nice community where people take particular pride in their homes despite their economic circumstances to a small corner of hell where people shoot at each other just for kicks. Unfortunately, they never hit their intended target. Our municipal reporter says the safest thing to be around here is some gang banger’s inteded target. Innocent bystanders are another matter. They tend to take dirt naps.
Regarding the nasty project, the officer in charge of keeping order there, when asked what can be done to improve the situation, said: “Burn the entire place to the ground. Plough it under and plant corn. Corn does not shoot each other.”
Just a note, for folks looking to sell drugs out of the projects: Try to be at least a little more aware of who you are selling to. Another housing authority officer was driving through the project the other day when an man walks up to the car, taps on the window. The officer rolled down the window when the soon-to-be suspect opens his jacket to reveal bags of pot and says: “Hey man, do you want to buy some smoke?”
He’s now in jail. Dumbass. The officer was in his duty car.
Also, why is it that our local shoplifters think they can sneak out of Wal-Mart with a computer? They’re big and bulky; make a conspicuous bulge under shirts. We have had at least one suspect arrested for trying that trick multiple times. Just in case you are wondering, it does not work. Not once.
Also, ladies, if you are going to keep your drug stash in your bra, don’t wear a see-through top. Local linebacker-sized crack whore, walking down the street with a pipe between her breasts, when asked by a local officer what she had sticking out of her shirt replied: “Nothing but my titties.” Unfortunately for the yettie and the arresting officer, her shirt was all but transparent. Aside from not being a great way to conceal drugs, see-through tops are not a great idea if the lady in question sports a backpelt.
The stupidity runs deep. At a council meeting here recently …
“I’m a goober. I don’t understand these things and I don’t read the paper every day. You could at least put up a no dumping sign.” Local idiot, addressing the city council on the unfairness of arresting people for dumping carpet scraps on property that they do not own. Her husband and brother in law had been arrested for illegal dumping, found guilty and fined $500 plus court costs. The husband says they will appeal…
But then, what do you expect when you have council members writing press releases like …
Well, this gem for instance: “Politricks is what you are pulling today by trying to suddenly place a person on the board to get the majority needed to do your illegal deeds. Tricaration is how you smooth over things and make them look good to the media and public; it is spoiled and rotten stinking meat that is covered with chocolate fudge, almonds, whip cream, caramel and ice cream—but it is still stinks at the roots and you could get sick and even die from it. Tricknology is the science of lying to the public. A few politicians have a master’s degree and lead others down the Prim Rose Path to felony convictions. These were noble, honest, good men, but they were lead to destruction by people who thought they knew what they were doing.”
Reporter response: “god-o-mighty!”
That’s all for today’s installment of the “cork-on-a-fork” beat.
Peace, yall
Turning to text for shirt sales
One thing the warm and fuzzy minds at Art Life Collective, www.artlifecollective.com, have realized is there is an excessive amount of cutsie phrase shirts out there. Well, that bothers us a bit. So, we have created our own designer t-shirt shop at ALC, with our own phrases that are, well, not so cute.
So far, we have things like:
My other ride is your mom
Your dog is licking his balls again
Even Gandhi thinks you suck
Fission, Bitches
Save the planet, kill yourself
and so on and so forth. It seems all of the “I love my kitten” type sites are making a profit with their stuff, so, to keep karma in balance, we are taking a different approach.
Hope you enjoy the new designs. We are just getting started with these here.
Peace and happy Thanksgiving.
The new Art Life Collective shop:
ALC artist finds blending modes resources
This was contributed by Art Life Collective t-shirt designer and general artist of excellence Jules. She is one of the more prolific contributors to the Art Life Collective Forum. These showed up under the tips and tricks.
Hope it helps.
Jules posted:
These always bug me as I can never keep them straight.
So, maybe this can help someone else too.
Blending Modes Explained
http://www.teamphotoshop.com/articles-The-Techniques-Layer-Blend-Modes-Explained!-5,8,65a.html
I like the use of rollovers for this set of examples. I think it helps one to visualize what the blends are actually doing.
http://dunnbypaul.net/blends/
Kudos Jules
The second link focuses mostly on Photoshop 7 techniques, but should still be helpful in most versions. The first of the two links is a great, step-by-step tutorial. Nice. I always need things spoon fed to me, so it’s stuff like this that I find most helpful.
After a long hiatus
Sorry about the long break. Being a journalist in the run-up to election time is both exciting and tiring. Worked about 15 hours Tuesday and still playing catch-up on sleep — the deprivation of which apparently causes a build up of brain chemicals with effects similar to LSD, but not as fun.
And now for something completely different.
This does not fall under dumb criminals, but maybe mouth-breathing politicians needs to be a sub section of that. Just a hint: When you are a minority Republican candidate seeking election in an economically depressed area, “income tax should not apply to the wealthy” probably does not need to be part of your platform. So far, this guy has managed to lose two elections by landslides to a candidate who does not campaign and rarely talks to the media. Go figure.
On the Art Life Collective front, we have gobs of new custom designer t-shirt artists on board. We have topped 110 artists with just shy of 500 pieces of work on the site. We have also moved operations from Miami to Orlando — for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which involves cutting down on overhead by half. There are a few bugs on the site right now since we are adding code to increase the search engine and create a section of text-only shirts created by myself and the other dark minds behind ALC. So far, “Your dog is licking his balls again” is my fave. That section appears under the ALC Shop artist page and will soon have its own tab on the front page. Don’t look for too many vomitously cut sayings there … We’re not that kind of people. Also a heads up, because we are doing so much coding, the site is a bit buggy right now. We should have all the glitches worked out soon … hope, hope.
As for artists creating works for the site or doing any sort of shirt designs: If you are looking more to make money than to just showcase your work … try tapping into pop culture icons. Again, our Juggernaut, Bitch shirts and similar creations tend to sell in glowing numbers. What we also see is that artists that have one or two such designs tend to sell other stuff off their pages better simply because they are attracting more traffic and getting their name out there more. Just a though for any artist looking to draw attention to their stuff online. Think about designs that will get indexed in the search engines fast or that hit on a particular cultural trend, then use them as bait to hook viewers to your work. From what we have seen at Art Life Collective and in the Art Life Collective Forum t-shirt discussions, that’s the way to go right now.
